Tag Archives: relationships

Start With I

We all know the saying there is no “I” in team. We’re told not to be selfish. We’re encouraged to focus on others. Women, especially, can find themselves putting everyone else’s needs in front of their own because we are born to nurture – it is innate in us – and we are afraid of being seen as selfish. But there’s something fundamentally wrong when we never put ourselves first. We can’t be the best for everyone else when we don’t take care of ourselves and our own needs.

Sometimes, we have to start with I:

I know I feel valuable when…

I want to accomplish…

I started this company because…

I know I can…

I don’t feel comfortable with…

I need…

I expect…

When we “start with I” we can identify what we need, what we like and don’t like, and how we stay motivated. We can set clear goals, expectations and boundaries. We can discover our purpose. We can then better communicate this to important people in our life: spouses, friends, children, bosses, colleagues, business partners. When we communicate what our tolerances are, what we need and what we believe we can give, relationships are healthier and ideally, happier.

startwithiThere is nothing wrong with saying, “I need this” or “I want this in my life,” or “I don’t want this in my life.” Oscar Wilde said “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” Starting with I is not selfish – it is clearly stating your expectations and how you want to live, and giving others the choice to be a part of that or not. It is accepting friendships, romance and business relationships that align with your values. Starting with I is often courageous – it can go against our gut feeling that focusing on ourselves is wrong. It is giving and communicative. It improves relationships and mental well being and can eliminate stress. Starting with I is the setting of boundaries, expectations and goals and ensuring that you’re surrounding yourself with like minded people who can appreciate or even admire them. It is generous and wise to let others know what you expect.

Work every day to become comfortable with starting with I. Embrace it as the best starting point to your best life and best relationships. Mind you, I said start with I. It doesn’t mean to solely focus on just yourself but rather that you know yourself, that you trust yourself, and that you’re honest with yourself – and with others – about what you want and need and what your life direction is. Only then can you begin to focus on enveloping others into the life you want to build in a healthy and mutually beneficial manner.

10 characteristics that reflect real love

By no means do I claim to be an expert at relationships and love, but my experiences in life – especially in the last few years – have definitely taught me to recognize real love vs. self love (ego). I’ve read about it, talked a lot about it (gotta love therapy) and luckily, experienced both sides. Isn’t that the only way to really learn and appreciate something anyway?

So, in honor of this silly Hallmark holiday we call Valentine’s Day, here’s what I’ve come to recognize as real, selfless love from – or for – another human being. (Or dog… because dogs seem like they got this down long ago…) 

  1. Selfless – even when there’s a desire to be selfishWE
  2. Thoughtful – even when one is “too busy”
  3. Giving – in spirit and time (much more valuable than money or gifts)
  4. Supportive – not jealous or envious
  5. Understanding – not angry, even when passionately arguing
  6. Forgiving – no one is perfect
  7. Attentive –  truly knowing your partner because of it
  8. Reflective – always thinking about how to make the relationship better
  9. Respectful – in voice and actions, under any circumstance
  10. Faithful – always. If you are truly in love, this isn’t difficult

DigitalDad @cc_chapman interviews author – & maybe your hubby’s “SugarBabe” – re: negotiated infidelity #marriage

On “the show about being a guy,” C.C. Chapman interviewed author Holly Hill today. Interesting choice of guest.

I read about Holly in a women’s magazine last month so I was interested when I saw C.C. announce that she was going to be on the show. Her lifestyle of “negotiated infidelity” – after a unique “career choice” – may not be for you – but it will certainly make you think one way or the other.

CC writes that Holly’s take on infidelity might “help save relationships” and he says he “agrees with her more than he thought he would.”

“There’s a lot of men who are ‘normal’ (i.e., cheaters) and a few who are heroes ‘faithful,’ according to Holly.

She believe more couples everywhere will take on this new model. To her credit, she suggests more open communication – which is good. I just suppose it’s the way she came to all of these enlightened conclusions that’s tough to swallow. Also, I have an issue with her statement “women need to understand men better,” and remember “they still love us – they just cheat because they need more sex.” Ok – but how about vice versa? That’s a whole other blog post – or book…

What do you think? You can listen to the full interview here: http://bit.ly/duhfJY

Amplify’d from www.girl.com.au

Sugarbabe

Sugarbabe
Holly Hill (pseudonym) gave up her job at the behest of her wealthy boyfriend – and then found herself dumped and penniless. After spending six weeks in bed pining for her lost love

, she was encouraged by a friend to be ‘open-minded’ about her career choices – and ended up placing an online ad for a sugar daddy. She received an almost overwhelming response from all sorts of men, but most of them were married men whose wives had lost interest in sex.

As Holly interviewed the men and settled on a candidate, she decided to record what happened next. Those almost-daily observations became a journal documenting Holly’s extraordinary experiences – not just the men she meets, but the things she finds out about marriages

, in particular, and what men need from them.Read more at www.girl.com.au