Tag Archives: marriage

Grace and Dignity

These two words have more meaning to me today than I ever thought they would. They’ve been on my mind as I’m facing the most difficult personal time of my life.

Imagine being punched in the stomach and maintaining grace and dignity. My marriage is ending and that’s what it feels like. I have a new level of respect for women like Elizabeth Edwards, who faced public humiliation in her divorce – followed by a personal, fatal illness – and yet remained composed and dignified up to her last moments of life. I can now imagine how difficult that was and have a better understanding for her struggles.

Two simple words can take on such new meaning as your life changes. I will work very hard to make these two my guiding principals as I face a long and rocky road ahead. It’s not easy. How have you maintained grace and dignity in a time when all you really wanted to do was fall down into a puddle and cry – or stand up and scream like crazy?

Yes, that’s how it feels. But I’ll make it – with grace and dignity.

DigitalDad @cc_chapman interviews author – & maybe your hubby’s “SugarBabe” – re: negotiated infidelity #marriage

On “the show about being a guy,” C.C. Chapman interviewed author Holly Hill today. Interesting choice of guest.

I read about Holly in a women’s magazine last month so I was interested when I saw C.C. announce that she was going to be on the show. Her lifestyle of “negotiated infidelity” – after a unique “career choice” – may not be for you – but it will certainly make you think one way or the other.

CC writes that Holly’s take on infidelity might “help save relationships” and he says he “agrees with her more than he thought he would.”

“There’s a lot of men who are ‘normal’ (i.e., cheaters) and a few who are heroes ‘faithful,’ according to Holly.

She believe more couples everywhere will take on this new model. To her credit, she suggests more open communication – which is good. I just suppose it’s the way she came to all of these enlightened conclusions that’s tough to swallow. Also, I have an issue with her statement “women need to understand men better,” and remember “they still love us – they just cheat because they need more sex.” Ok – but how about vice versa? That’s a whole other blog post – or book…

What do you think? You can listen to the full interview here: http://bit.ly/duhfJY

Amplify’d from www.girl.com.au

Sugarbabe

Sugarbabe
Holly Hill (pseudonym) gave up her job at the behest of her wealthy boyfriend – and then found herself dumped and penniless. After spending six weeks in bed pining for her lost love

, she was encouraged by a friend to be ‘open-minded’ about her career choices – and ended up placing an online ad for a sugar daddy. She received an almost overwhelming response from all sorts of men, but most of them were married men whose wives had lost interest in sex.

As Holly interviewed the men and settled on a candidate, she decided to record what happened next. Those almost-daily observations became a journal documenting Holly’s extraordinary experiences – not just the men she meets, but the things she finds out about marriages

, in particular, and what men need from them.Read more at www.girl.com.au

 

Fun With Kids

If you are going to have kids, you get the right to have some fun with them for your own entertainment, right? As can be seen here, my husband and I (and a few in-laws) had some fun with our three-year-old recently as he attempted to act out a never-in-this-day-and-age scene from a marriage…between Superman and WonderWoman.

Hey, babysitting is expensive – we’ve got to create our own fun.

Good People Day – Papa, That’s You

I participate in a micro blogging site called Twitter (if you’re on, you can follow me @missusP). If you don’t know what Twitter is… and you want to learn more, you can read more in various blog posts, online articles or by simply typing “What is Twitter” into any search engine.

Anyway, one of the users I follow, Gary Vaynerchuk (@garyvee… better known as the Wine Library TV celebrity) has made an Internet plea for today to be “Good People Day.” I’m pretty skeptical about such things…but then I thought of one of the best people in the universe, my Grandfather. If we’re talking good people, I must share his story (which is a post I’ve been meaning to write anyway so this is a good push).

Everyone knows traditional marriage vows include “til death to us part” and “in sickness and in health.” Likewise, we know that today, few people actually keep these commitments (with 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, sadly, these promises have become almost meaningless). My grandfather is a rare, focused and stubborn man who took these vows to a level of commitment few people ever know in their lifetime.

My grandmother was diagnosed with “dementia” (read: Alzheimer’s) in her mid 60s (just like her mother before her). My grandfather watched several heart-breaking years as this horrible disease crept up on her. She knew it at moments when she couldn’t remember her own address, her name, or how to get home. After it overtook her, he tried for many years to take care of her on his own. He had watched his mother-in-law go through a terrible nursing home experience that had soured him greatly.

If you are at all familiar with Alzheimer’s you will understand why he couldn’t keep this care up on his own. Eventually, with the help of family and friends, he did put her in a great nursing home. But, unlike many people in this world who dispose of ill loved one’s like they might drop of a dog at the pound… he remained present every single day.

Every day my grandfather, aka Papa, would arrive at the nursing home at 6 a.m. He would help my grandmother (aka Mimi) get dressed, brush her teeth, comb her hair, etc. He fed her breakfast, lunch and dinner. He made sure she got her “exercise,” took her outside for sunshine, read to her, painted her nails and spent every single day for over a decade taking care of her at the home. He put her to bed before leaving for the day and, although she didn’t talk, eat on her own or show any other signs of interaction, she always puckered up to kiss him back when he asked nicely.

Papa; Mimi

This is not a typical arrangement. The hospital staff knew this and let him “do his thing” – awed by his love and dedication. He befriended many of them over the years – becoming a constant presence in their lives just as much as he was in Mimi’s. He’d teach them about his favorite subjects like jazz music, funny quotes and new books to read. He’d bring them gifts like CDs, flowers, books and more. He brightened not only the lives of my grandmother but everyone in that hospital, every single day.

The level of this dedication could often be misunderstood. Some worried that he spent too much time at the home.. not enough time focusing on his own needs. But this is what made him happy, this is what he promised to do. I know very few people that have upheld such promises in such a tremendous way.

My grandmother passed away in November 2006. My grandfather still goes to the nursing home on a regular basis to visit other patients, friends he’s made along the way, and even use the hospital gym.

I hope you will agree, that’s a good – no, great – person.

Dispensable Life Relationships

Relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. I’m reaching the time in life where a good deal of friends are getting divorced, middle age crisis’ are approaching and many people are seeking some new kind of inspiration. Some find this by taking up new hobbies, or running away from responsibilities, others by traveling and still others by buying things they don’t need or can’t afford.

The divorce thing is really tough to watch – in my most selfish moments it makes me wonder if sharing your most intimate thoughts and moments in life with another person is something that will come to haunt you. It is always in the back of my mind – is my “family” now always going to be so? Are these relationships worth emotional toil or are they dispensable? As relationships crumble – and mind you, divorce is not just about the man and wife – ever – I get so scared.

Then – I visit my folks’. But they are not the ones that give me faith (well…I shouldn’t say that – they give me some faith, having been married since they were 17- and 19-years-old – they are now in their 60s). I get to see my 84-year-old, sprite Grandfather, seen below (photo courtesy of one brilliant brother, Brian Dilg.) He has seen so much in life. His mother passed away when he was six, his step mother died when she was 13. He had another stepmother – the Nana that I knew – who embraced and loved him and he, her…. But…

2007-12-26-016

… the biggest, most wondrous thing about Papa is his love for his wife. He met her when he was 13. She passed away last November from Alzheimer’s. For the last 20 or so years of her life he stood by her side – in a nursing home for the most part – every single day. He stayed by her when she started to lose her memory. He stayed when she began getting lost, running away and throwing things at him. He stayed when she completely forgot him and couldn’t function anymore (although, she always kissed him back – the one human reaction she never lost) and he stayed when many, many people would not have. My Grandparents’ story around the theft that is Alzheimer’s is a post for another time. For today, I thank Papa for showing me that real love can last, that not all relationships are dispensable and that in the end – faith is a daily leap that is a reward in and of itself.

Thanks, Papa.

My Husband is Insane…

…and I’m so thankful for his insanity! As you will read if you choose to click over, he bought me quite a Christmas present this year. It’s such a thoughtful, significant and personal gift that he even created a blog for it (we are both truly techno geeks … over the holiday break we realized that back in ’99 – when we were getting married – we created a blog before we even knew what a blog was – it was such a great site I wish it was still up – we even won an “award” for it… but I digress).

I suggest starting here for the beginning of the “story” that will shape our 2008. I’m so excited, nervous – still in shock – and quite frankly, happy to have something besides work to focus on all the time (okay, yes, I have two children, three dogs, great friends and more than enough to do… but again, I digress).

Sometimes you need inspiration from an outside source and wow, if this isn’t inspiration I don’t know what is. If you have any interests in running, marathons, Ireland, adventure or heck, even marriage – and how to keep it interesting – perhaps you will find interest in our blog or following our next 10-11 months of training on Twitter – you can find us at @training4dublin.

Happy New Year – it’s certainly going to be an interesting one!

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