In what’s been the most challenging few years of my life, I’ve realized today that I’ve focused way too much on my detractors and not enough on my supporters. I’ve been listening to those tearing me down more than I’ve listened to those building me up. Once I started to change that, things got really hard. The haters do not like to be ignored. They yell louder, they get meaner, and they get more and more personal about their attacks. But the louder they yell, the more proof that you are becoming stronger – that you are creating change. And while change can be extremely uncomfortable and make you wonder if you are doing the right thing – keep the faith. You are. That’s why it’s so hard.
Sometimes you can use detractors’ opinions as fuel to do better, to keep going, to prove them wrong – but don’t forget to focus on your supporters too, and to give them more credence. Thank them, listen to them – hear them. I’ve realized now not only is that what I need to do, but that I need to put my energies into the positive: the people, the work, the beliefs that will carry me along to a better place.
Don’t believe the hype. Keep the faith. Believe in yourself. I found this video today and thought there were so many good quotes in it – so many things to help me refocus my energies, that I wanted to share it with you in case you could use a little reminder, too. Enjoy.
To all those who watch and wonder if I really know what I’m doing….
To all those who stand in judgment, waiting for the other shoe to drop….
Relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. I’m reaching the time in life where a good deal of friends are getting divorced, middle age crisis’ are approaching and many people are seeking some new kind of inspiration. Some find this by taking up new hobbies, or running away from responsibilities, others by traveling and still others by buying things they don’t need or can’t afford.
The divorce thing is really tough to watch – in my most selfish moments it makes me wonder if sharing your most intimate thoughts and moments in life with another person is something that will come to haunt you. It is always in the back of my mind – is my “family” now always going to be so? Are these relationships worth emotional toil or are they dispensable? As relationships crumble – and mind you, divorce is not just about the man and wife – ever – I get so scared.
Then – I visit my folks’. But they are not the ones that give me faith (well…I shouldn’t say that – they give me some faith, having been married since they were 17- and 19-years-old – they are now in their 60s). I get to see my 84-year-old, sprite Grandfather, seen below (photo courtesy of one brilliant brother, Brian Dilg.) He has seen so much in life. His mother passed away when he was six, his step mother died when she was 13. He had another stepmother – the Nana that I knew – who embraced and loved him and he, her…. But…
… the biggest, most wondrous thing about Papa is his love for his wife. He met her when he was 13. She passed away last November from Alzheimer’s. For the last 20 or so years of her life he stood by her side – in a nursing home for the most part – every single day. He stayed by her when she started to lose her memory. He stayed when she began getting lost, running away and throwing things at him. He stayed when she completely forgot him and couldn’t function anymore (although, she always kissed him back – the one human reaction she never lost) and he stayed when many, many people would not have. My Grandparents’ story around the theft that is Alzheimer’s is a post for another time. For today, I thank Papa for showing me that real love can last, that not all relationships are dispensable and that in the end – faith is a daily leap that is a reward in and of itself.