I will be a little more patient.
I will be a lot more tolerant.
I won’t sweat the small stuff.
I will hug my kids more than usual.
I’ll let them get crazy loud and goofy and I will not stress out about it.
Their voices sound sweeter.
Their faces look more kissable.
Their silliness more funny than usual.
Their messiness a gift from heaven.
I will thank God for a new day.
I will kiss my children more than usual.
I will heed the reminders I have around my home to embrace the moment.
I will work harder to forgive. To love. To smell the flowers.
Today’s crime is unspeakable.
It is unfathomable.
It isn’t the first of its kind.
It won’t be the last.
I will question God.
I will question humanity.
I will question government.
And I will pray – even when I’m angry and unsure.
I will accept that life will never be free of violence and killing.
I will do my best to shield my children and my loved ones from such horrors.
And I will take action. Through voting, through paying attention to ALL the issues (let’s talk about mental health care, not just gun control), by educating my children on how to deal with negative feelings (theirs or others’ toward them) of anger, isolation, or fear. By teaching them to deal with such life horrors while still keeping some kind of faith. (So not easy.)
But for today – I will hug and kiss and smother my children with love.
I will wonder, “why?” like they did when I told them what happened.
I will continue to put them first.
I will continue to check on them and give a forehead kiss EVERY SINGLE NIGHT we’re together when I go to bed, like I have since the days they were born.
And I will continue to bombard my followers and “friends” with photos of my boys.
Maybe more than usual for a while.
But I’m sure you’ll understand.
And I will never, ever, ever take them for granted.
And I will pray for the children lost, the families who grieve.
I will share in the anger, the frustration, the wonder at why, why, why.
And like you, I will never, ever understand.