Death and Forgiveness

I found out over the weekend that my Grandmother died. For many, a grandparent dying is not a big deal. Often it’s an excuse people use when they are lying about an absence in a college class or important work meeting – or even to gain sympathy in a reality TV show.

The death of my Grandmother signifies the end of many things for me. When my brother called to tell me, I was stoic. I hung up and I sat with it for a while. Then I cried.

I cried for the loss of a life. I cried that it made me think of my own vulnerability. I cried about the anger I’ve had toward her and have been carrying around for nearly 20 years. I cried that I had hung onto it for so long and didn’t forgive her while she was here. I cried for my father who has now lost his second parent and is conflicted with emotions due to a tumultuous relationship with his mother that affected his entire life – including his own children. I cried for many experiences lost and I cried for the good memories I did have – homemade Tapioca pudding, a dog named Tammy, a lakeside home and May Day celebrations (a lost tradition that she taught me about with May poles and May baskets – I remember the neighbors being quite perplexed when I went door-to-door at the age of 7 handing them out).

As I rearrange my work schedule this week and head West for the funeral, I think about what to wear. I laugh for a moment when I realize I’ll be wearing a business suit – because in a way it’s appropriate – the funeral is a business transaction for my soul. The relationship was complicated and many things were left unsaid and undone – memories that can’t be changed, conversations that will never take place.

The finality of death can jolt you. Many times only for a moment. Others for a lifetime. I think about the fact that I didn’t call her on Thursday when my parents told me Hospice had come…

Perhaps she will forgive me, wherever she is, as I forgive her… finally.

This entry was posted in family, life, love, Personal on by .

About Christine Perkett

I've spent my career coaching CEOs, CMOs, and COOs on how to best market and grow their companies, how to inspire and motivate their workforces, and how to manage in good times and in bad. I'm a serial entrepreneur who has founded three companies. I've received numerous accolades and awards including being named a “Top 100 Must Follow Marketing Mind” in Forbes, a 2020 Top 50 Social Media Influencer in Planable, a “Boston 50 on Fire” finalist, a “Top CEO to follow on Twitter,” a “Top 50 Social Media Influencer on Twitter” by Vocus (now Cision), and one of the 250 Most Influential Women Leaders by Richtopia since 2015. I've been featured in numerous outlets for my expertise including Associated Press, ABC, New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and many more. I am also an adjunct Professor of Digital Marketing and Media at Northeastern University in Boston. I champion women in business and enjoy helping others make their dreams come true. Personally, I 'm a mom to four who loves dogs, the ocean, fashion, marathons, wine, humor and kindness.

2 thoughts on “Death and Forgiveness

  1. Diane Thornton

    Good Morning Chris,

    I don’t have your e-mail address for some reason (perhaps a crashed computer!) so I haven’t been able to keep you in the loop regarding what’s up with Bob and me after the memorial service. Please e-mail me and then I will have it.

    Your mom suggested I read your blog and I can only say that I am very excited for you. Forgiveness lifts such a burden. It doesn’t change the past like you said, things are left unsaid, but I really hope you are feeling a freedom. Thank you so much for making the trip out here. I believe that service wasn’t for Grandma but rather for all of us. To reconnect after all these years was very meaningful to me. I hope we can keep the connection going. I love you, Chris.

    Diane

    Reply

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